Back to back. I’m pounding them out as fast as I can. I just hope I don’t forget them, before I get to them. I just have to simplify my self interrogation sessions!

Since I was old enough to think in some philosophical manner, I’ve thought why am I here. Not to be confused with the meaning of life. That question was resolved long ago. It’s 42 btw. Seriously, look it up. And thanks for the fish too. Much appreciated.

Evolve from the ‘why am I’ question, to another much much deeper ‘should I be’? Am I living in a time that’s in tune to me or that I’m in tune to? Is it too simple? Or to my horror, to complex a time to be a part of?

I’ve had too many meltdowns, I’ve written many times about them. Here I am trying so hard to pull myself out of one, on the side of the road. I figured maybe I could write myself out of this one.

It’s not working well at all though as it’s too dark inside to write. This thing called existing is becoming more difficult by the day. Please fix yourself soon Marty, or soon there will be nothing left of you to fix.

As I stare out at Mother Nature, I can almost see her staring back and asking what’s wrong. No matter really as I don’t have much to say other than a simple question.

Are these thoughts exclusive to mankind?

She’s not raining and I’m not crying. We are however a little clouded at the moment.

Yeah, we’ve another update. A mysterious one it is too. (much has been edited btw) Hemingway recommended you have a drink as you write. He never said don’t over do it.

I hope to describe the details, with minimal detail. A bit of a mental test. I’ll see if I remember the reasons at a later date. And keep it as short as possible.

Now what was I thinking?

Thoughts, times, events, pain, and sorrow. Joy and aggravation. Each of those and a few more are all in extremes. A normal, simply doesn’t seem to exist.

1. Extreme happiness, the one you don’t have to look for deep within as it rises to the surface so quickly, It’s a rare element/synapse really. In the blink of an eye, poof! I need to find more of this ‘stuff’ Dad.

2. Sorrow! It hits hard. It has a seemingly endless pain. The tears of sorrow and the tears of happiness all taste the same.

3. Working, being productive and having a feeling of accomplishment. I need to have a purpose in this new life of mine.

This is empathy, compassion and more understanding a man, any human should have to experience at his age.
His eyes show his soul so very well. I’ll never forget this post. His eyes are haunting.

The image of the child musician crying was classified as one of the most emotional photographs of modern history.

This photo was taken of a 12-year-old Brazilian boy (Diego Frazzo Turkato), playing the violin at the funeral of his teacher who rescued him from the environment of poverty and crime in which he lived.

In this image, humanity speaks with the strongest voice in the world:
“Cultivate love and kindness in a child to sow the seeds of compassion. And only then you will build a great civilization, a great nation “.
( Photographer: Marcos Tristao )

Is it better to sit around the warmth of a fire with others, created by oneself? Or admire from a cold distance, the comfort it created for others?
One of a few rabbit holes.

I don’t work as hard as I should. I don’t think as hard as I should. Too much time not being productive at something.

I haven’t looked for a job in so many decades, I don’t know what it’s like but I’m about to find out. This current life just has to come to an end while I still have a bit of sanity.

I guess working on finding work is work right?

A special someone that I would have been a better person to have met.

“I have been blessed with seeing a pinch of blue sky as if I was sitting at the bottom of a brown paper bag.”

Simply written, simply beautiful, simple to understand for the fortunate.

and those resolution things.

If you’re reading this, I hope you will have the best yet. I sincerely hope for that.

All of mine are simple ones. To hold the few friendships I have just a little closer. To find more, and to possibly become the friend to others like all those other humans have been to me. To help those others, like they have helped my family and myself this past year. It’s often been a one way road, with me going the wrong way.

Other than the above, these are mine. Be a better steward for Mother Nature, read everything Joseph Campbell and Ernest Hemingway ever wrote. Along with those… Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Don Quixote.

Anyone that knows me well, knows that’s easily a year for me.

Much Peace, much happiness to each and everyone of you!

“Going to another country doesn’t make any difference. I’ve tried all that. You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.”
Ernest Hemingway