If you can’t love yourself, how could you love another? Speaking from experience here, that first sentence/question is total bullshit! I’m married. I have been for closer to a half century than any other measure of time. I love my wife far more than she will ever know. The vows spoken by me weren’t some verbally choreographed line I just nodded to and said yes to without deep thought and an even deeper meaning. They were far more than that. Far more than a promise in some religious ceremony.

I’ve crawled into hell and back more than once for her and the 2 sons she brought into this world and I’d do it again without question. But in some of those journeys, there were things, thoughts, events, obstacles for lack of other words that needed to be overcome. I did what I thought needed to be done at the time. Things that only I will ever know.

I did what I had to do. I did what I thought at the time, was the right thing to do. I flew the damn plane! Mistakes? Yes. I made a few and some soul’s were lost but it landed with each of those souls/’decisions’ lost weighing heavily on me! All were not lost though! Was I perfect in everything I did? Sadly not, but I tried so very hard to do what I knew deep inside, was for the good of the many, and what was right. I’m more than willing to take the blame a hundred more times before I give the stick to another though. I simply did the best that I knew to do, at the time I did it.

I never promised perfection to anyone but I should have expected more from myself looking back. I’d never ask for sympathy and I’m not begging for understanding. I’m simply laying down the thoughts for my previous actions.

Maybe next time, I’ll just stay on the ground. Maybe next time I may love myself and be satisfied with my inaction from the new vantage point… but I doubt it.

The takeaway from it all. I’m no God damn Angel. And flying? It sucks to the Nth degree. More so when you’re the pilot. No more flying for me!