by many, I need to start socializing. Get out they said, be in groups, get out of your cave. It’ll do you good. You’ll have fun with life again.

So I tried. One of the excursions into the social expanse was a trivia group that met every Tuesday from 5.30 till whenever. Now I rarely had a great time but a few were admittedly really fun, a few were simply lessons in patience. The good won over the just ok times so I continued the course in how to crawl out of the cave and survive among others.

That all ended this evening! But before all hell broke loose… believe it or not, the last question related to amusement park rides. I nailed it! The group leader went the smart route instead of the greedy and bet wisely. Our team went from being last place, to winning. We all lined up for a photo op all smiles. Apparently, not all smiles were sincere.

As I write this, all I remember was a bunch of people swinging at each other and some part of me said no more! No more violence, no more arguing. Simply no more hurt in any form. I stood in front of the guy that seemed to be the source of the issue and continually said ‘no more’ at the top of my lungs as I backed him away from the bullshit. His opposition was bitching at me something about ‘did you see him assault me?’ All I had left in my vocabulary was ‘we’re all better than this’. Which was expressed repeatedly in a quite loud tone.

So apparently. Somewhere in all that I took a few hits upside my head. Those will heal in time I guess but the damage done deep inside me won’t heal soon. I doubt it seriously if it ever will. Let me clarify that. No. It never will!

I’m done with it!

And the timing of it all was probably the most heartbreaking part of the evening. A fine gent probably 85 asked for the microphone after the game and before the pictures began. He asked all the vets to raise their hands, this is something (I never do!) but tonight was different as I felt the empathy he most obviously had. He wasn’t asking for a damn thing but a common respect and the ‘camaraderie’ so many don’t understand. He, in so many words simply asked for unity among all. 5 minutes later I’m sure all he saw was what hell looked like… all over again.

Do all that were there owe him an apology a hug, a handshake, maybe all just written? Absolutely! And maybe somehow we can show him in person, how sincere, how much we understood what he had said and what we had learned from his efforts. But I know humanity. That would never happen. And that!!! Is what is so wrong. Humanity and compassion has been overwhelmed by their opposites.