“Et in Arcadia ego.”

when life was becoming very difficult for just about everyone I knew and loved, I had a recurring dream.

I dreamt that I had loaded everyone’s pain, sickness and grief into my kayak and paddled west never to be seen again.

The circumstances have changed a little but everyone’s pain I feel again and I still have the same kayak.

If dreams could only come true!

Across our canal (the ditch) as I call it, we’ve had an issue with some dogs barking. Now no one loves a dog more than I but these two were stuck on bark.

I left a note on their door asking them to call me ASAP. A few hours later I got a call. After a few minutes we were apologizing to each other. Him for his dogs, me for my bitching.

This is social media. In person!

I hope to have he and his wife over for dinner someday. They seem like great humans.

Helene is her name. I had to look it up to make sure I was correct.

I imagine it’s not so different from being that town during a war that was targeted by someone else.

Your thoughts or worries had no effect as to what was going to happen.

You simply sat in fear hoping the bomb wasn’t going to fall on your family.

We’re all just compost for the next plant aren’t we.

And interesting things they are too. I’ve been dealing with an event from probably 20 or 30 years ago these past 6 or 8 weeks. It was a pretty traumatic event then and I had blocked it out entirely until a recent medical test that didn’t go so well brought the damn thing back.

Mentally it’s like being a person inside a person. It begins with a memory, then it transitions into a more detailed picture followed immediately by much doubt and more self debriefs. Was it my imagination or was it reality.

I guess what gets me the most about them (yes, for me the memories come back in truncated clusters) is that a part of me has been hiding from me something that had actually happened to me.

Yeah, it’s been a sometimes very frightening and bizarre trip.

For the weekend. Marty you’re a mess…

… I just winged it. I never wished for the incredible. I never expected disaster.

I did think I’d have figured out the complexities of humanity just a bit better by now though.

… be here. I can’t find beauty anymore. Only memories.

You take a pill to make you small or so I’ve read.

Mine doesn’t make me small and it doesn’t make me happy but it prevents me from being sad. Many might think that’s a start in the right direction I guess but I’m having my doubts personally.

Happiness and sadness are human (or more properly described) animal emotions. Being happy, being truly happy I miss very much. It’s been awhile but I remember the times. Always being sad isn’t much fun though either. Sometimes it’s simply not smiling pondering life, sometimes it’s mentally crushing to a level that’s beyond words. But… be good or bad, sadness is an emotion.

Do you continue as an often sad, emotional being or live life an non emotional drone simply existing?

Maybe a question for the hookah smoking Caterpillar?

… the child. What would you like to be when you grow up? The child responds ‘a doctor’. What would you like to make being a doctor the adult asks?

To make people feel better the child responds.

It’s all perspective isn’t it!