Cancer. The Diagnosis. “It’s The Journey, Not The Destination”.

PSA blood tests. Piece of cake and I hate needles. Maybe 10 of these.
Pee in a cup. I once thought being given a cup to fill with my name on it and told where the restroom is by a lady was humiliating. Boy was I ever wrong! Probably 20 of these. You lose count after awhile.
DRE’s aka ‘the lubed finger’. Now these get your attention. Degrading? Absolutely! But to make things worse my Doc is a guy. And to make things even more horrid, there were often others in the room for ‘safety’ or for ‘educational purposes’. Yeah, sometimes they had a go at me as well. Onlookers were of both sexes and position for the receiver seemed endless. Bent over, laying on your left side or the truly inhumane stirrups. Sometimes it was quick, sometimes they let their fingers do the walking… all the way home. How many I don’t remember, but it was too damn many.
Enemas. Fleet stocks must have doubled. Get use to them. You get to use them very often.

Those were nursery school days. The following is doctorate stuff.
Ultrasounds. A condom covered device about the diameter of your thumb and operated by the doc. Usually with a ‘safety’ person there watching or a ‘student’ learning the ropes. Once in, it goes to places inside you that you never knew existed… and it wasn’t ever over soon enough. Nothing gets overlooked with these. Infinitely dehumanizing. I should have been doped up. 2 or 3 of these IIRC.

A biopsy. The big plus here is that they give you an IV full of Propofol “Milk of Amnesia” and you don’t experience anything but an expensive trip to Wonderland. This involves a much larger probe that the ultrasound. I never felt it in me but before I went under I asked to see it. A shovel handle is about what I remember. This gadget has an ultrasound on the end with an opening at the end which allows a small pincher so to speak to come out and take a sample of the area. Sixteen times. One sample from each of the grids. It must hurt like hell because I sure bled enough from it. No fun I imagine but I wasn’t there either.

Fiducial Markers. This should technically be in the Cure section but I’m on a roll. This one was rough! On a physical discomfort scale mine was a solid seven. Mental anguish scale a perfect ten from this judge.
This involved me laying on my left side. No local anesthetic, no anesthesia, no nothing! Again, I asked to see what was going in prior, where and when was a given. Nothing in this procedure didn’t hurt. You lose ALL sense of dignity and humanity during this procedure as well!
Although the probe it isn’t much larger than the biopsy device, you’re awake for this one. It feels like a fencepost and it’s guided via ultrasound. Once in position, a large needle comes out and inserts a piece of titanium about the size of a grain of rice in the prostate. It is then moved around to the other side and you get another one injected. And then there’s one more in the middle for good measure I guess. These are used for steering the beam of radiation to the right area. On a side note, you also get three tattoos. One on each hip and another just north of your willy. These are also used for the steering of the photon beam later down the road.
To be honest? I only experienced the first one conscious. The other two I was on a self induced trip off the farm.

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