May very well be the beginning of something positive. A way out of this cage I’ve constructed for myself.

I just don’t want to get my hopes up too much. It’ll be crushing if it fails.

Outside alone staring at the sun sinking
Remembering when I looked for experiences
Wondering what became of me and my world
Outside wondering when I got old, wishing it over

It’s all gone
No happiness left
Nothing feels right
Hopes and dreams faded long ago

I’ve lost myself in nightmares
They’re all I have left
Cold frightening thoughts

Alone with nothing, but frightening thoughts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now let’s see how I can simplify it, possibly bettering it.

Watching in solitude a sunset
Thinking of my past
Recalling moments captured
Wondering when they collapsed
What became of me
And why
When did I get old
Wishing it was over
It’s all gone
No happiness
No feelings
Hopes and dreams faded
Lost in nightmares
My always silent companion
Bearing frightening thoughts
Alone with nothing
But crowded with frightening thoughts

At one time in my life I looked forward to them. The day or night versions suited me just fine but the bad ones we humans call nightmares were much better having experienced asleep as when I woke I realized that it was just my dark imagination run amuck.

I never thought about them much more than what I just wrote. I just enjoyed the good ones and was amazed at times at how the mind worked with the bad ones.

These past weeks have changed it all. My pleasant dreams are rare and my nightmares are from past experiences hidden until now.

Frame by frame my mind is being torn apart… by itself.