These aren’t meant to be dark or depressing. Just a new reality I’m finding myself living. I’m dealing with them… and then some.

I’m not bragging but a year ago I’d have thought nothing of knocking off 30 or 40 miles on my bicycle. Kayaking? 20 miles was a good day, not a problem at all. Walking? Well I never cared too much for it as there wasn’t much in it for me but I’d go as far as was needed. I was fairly fit. Sit ups I could do easily as with a push up or 20.

3 days ago my neck was giving me serious fits so on the floor I went tucking my feet under the bed. I knocked off 0. Yeah, that’s a Zero. It kinda blew my mind. For a second I thought something had gone horribly wrong but nope! It was like my upper body was trying to lift a damn truck. Several days later, here I am pounding out my thoughts about the moment.

I remember years ago listening to my father. We were in his ‘lab’ downstairs in his home he was so proud of and happy in. He didn’t realize it but I was listening intensely to him. When he flew the last time, when he climbed his last antenna, when he last accomplished something that was at a time in his life, a no brainer.

I find myself now in the position he was living in. I’ve ridden my last motorcycle, I’ve raced my last race and had I known my future?? I probably wouldn’t be here now writing this as I’d have written a check my mind and body couldn’t cash.

Thrills now are more of the mental sort. Nearly as deep as the physical immersion but not a lot of adrenaline involved. Unless something comes out of the blue, I’ve not been on my last mountain bike ride or my last paddle into the unknown, but the duration, the depth of the rabbit hole is much more shallow.

The deep water is no more but my draft isn’t much either. The shallows it is but I will be doing sit ups and push ups again.

What an insanely simple thing to promise myself.